Some of my own thoughts are mixed in too. That they just want to move on and get past it. Known by their spouse. Where do we draw the line? Those are the actions that will make or break your relationship.
They still feel the itch. It will not keep your mate home. Well, none of these are great strategies, but you have to assume that there's a hidden wisdom. In the stories I hear, they find a gift in a pocket of a coat and they think it's for them and they're so excited, and then they never get the gift. You were more like roommates, rather than husband and wife. Love needs time, and time is the air love breathes, and people have no time. We live in a world of complimentary opposites. The image that I have is like someone who has been wandering around with a couple of empty wine glasses who suddenly meets someone with a bottle of wine. Surrender your feelings to a higher power. It's about the stage the marriage is in. It's like a house of cards. For me, I chose to stay in it and stay open for as long as I could — all the while watching for signs. And, how many times can one person apologize or say they are sorry? Wayward Males, just after D-day, are in a psychological hell and are feeling besieged from within and without. And it feels wonderful because it was a line they were hungry to cross. I was just going with it, day to day, and very stressed out for most of it. What do you say to someone who comes to you and says, "I can't choose; I don't know who to stay with"? Is your spouse proactively offering to get tested? But confessing your affair is the kind of honesty that is unnecessarily destructive. And like a drug addict, they were addicted to their affair partner. Forgiveness shows that we are not victims of our past actions or behaviors. And it often does. Recovery may involve seeking out helping professionals as well as support groups. We think that we need to feel a certain way usually negative for a certain amount of time to prove to ourselves that we are truly sorry for what we have done. I have clients who have tried this approach, only to find their lives far more complicated. And then the other person somehow floats onto their radar screen.
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