Focus on understanding each other. This is a great way to introduce a newish partner to your erogenous zones, and learn theirs. Listening is critical to good conversation. And you get to know someone you care about a bit more deeply, as well as yourself.
Sexual likes and dislikes can run on a spectrum. Focus on understanding each other. Carli Blau , a Manhattan sexologist, says: If you can keep your focus on understanding each other and being understood yourself, you can keep the focus forward on the future. Sex What's Hot Right Now. I may need a city with lots of nightlife and museums. And I used to read these eagerly. Timaree Schmit , doctor of human sexuality, also suggests emphasizing the positive. The more you discuss ahead of time, the more creative and adventurous you can be. Promise to listen completely before responding. Remember you can always change your mind. But no matter how well they phrase it, it can be hard to take negative feedback without becoming defensive. But communication is part of having good sex. Talk in the Heat of It So you and your sweetie are getting hot and heavy. Communicating these things with your partner helps keep things open. She writes for various publications and has her own blog here. When the subject is sex, everyone feels vulnerable. Great sex, though, is much more about being tuned in and compatible than about being skilled. Plan and Brainstorm At first, the idea of planning sounds pretty un-sexy. Planning means lists and schedules, and who wants that in the bedroom? It assumes that all men and all women have the same turn-ons, pleasure centers, and anatomy — and that only men and women exist in the first place. Being willing to laugh at yourself can lighten the mood and open the conversation. So as you work up the courage to take your short list of issues to your spouse, consider these tips that might help the conversation go better: Any good conversation needs dialogue, not just a series of true or false questions. Sexual intimacy, when used as a weapon, drives couples apart. I really love [describe specific desire]. Porn has taught us that part of being good at sex is making lots of noise.
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